I love the creative process. I don’t know if it is the aspect of the unknown, the anticipation of discovering what is being created, or just the act of expressing – but I am finding such joy and fulfillment while I’m being creative these days. One major area has been my song writing. This includes reworking some older songs I wrote a while back. In choosing songs for my upcoming CD, I went with my gut and chose songs that called out to me (from many that I’ve written in the past few years – as well as some newly written especially for the CD). It is exciting to sit with a song again and see (hear) it in a new way, and change it here and there. I almost feel like a sculptor – take a little of this vibe out and put this one in. Add a dash of this element and get rid of this one in the lyric. The shape is constantly changing. I’m less sure of what the outcome will be, and somehow the songs are turning out more what I want to say than ever before. It is bizarre and wonderful! Even in choosing the songs to record, I’ve had an idea of which I want to record, and then, at the last second I change my mind – and it has always turned out to be a great decision. This is also carrying over into the recording process of the new songs. The vibe is very different in my new songs, and my approach as a singer is also different. I am experimenting more than ever before, vocally. As with the writing, I have an idea of how to sing each song from the start. But once the arrangements are in place, that seems to change each time. I have to discover how to sing each song to communicate what I want to say, in the way I want to say it. I think fans will be pleasantly surprised at the results. I definitely am growing as an artist. I think I’m finally understanding creativity from a new perspective. Allowing it to come forth. It is like shooting a bottle rocket. You choose the direction in which to shoot it, but you don’t know exactly how far it will go until it has run its course.
This way of being is carrying over in other areas of my life as well. I think it started with my short film, “Lonely Boy”. When I first decided to make the film, I didn’t have a crew, equipment or anything other than a script and me as an actor. I made a conscious decision that I would put myself out there, and if it was meant to be, the right people and things would show up – and it would work out the way it should. And sure enough, it did. I don’t consider myself deeply religious, but I do consider myself spiritual. This was possibly the first time in my life I consciously decided to let God, or the Universe, the Higher Power, – whatever it is out there, take care of things. I decided “I’ll do all I can, and the rest is up to You. And if it is not meant to be, it won’t happen”. It was very freeing, and at times the process of making the film was effortless. The right people showed up, the wrong people fell away and dropped out of the project. And I was OK with all of it. Back to having “no attachments” (which seems to be a theme in my blogs!) – to outcomes, people, things! I guess to some degree I’m doing the same thing with my new songs. And it is really allowing my creativity to show up.
Just wanted to document this process. It could certainly help – if and when I get stuck and bogged down by things not going well in the future. Perhaps I’ll have the luck of stumbling on these words and remembering this experience. And once again, if I’m lucky, I’ll let go of my attachments…
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