I’m not sure what it is with me, but I have an unyielding need to create. And I’m seeing that when I’m not being creative, I actually suffer. If you’ve been reading my blogs for a bit, you know that I’m in the process of writing a one-man-show based on the music from both my CDs. It has been quite an undertaking. A labor of love though! I am creating something very different from a normal concert, or a normal one-man-show. And as I’m writing this show, doing other acting jobs, and writing songs, I am starting to get a sense of my “voice” as an artist. And I realize that a “voice” isn’t something you know (at least for me), but something you discover. And only from creating, creating more, and then creating more, does the sense of a “voice” start to emerge. I didn’t know that I’d ever get to this place – where I am finding a much greater sense of self. It is quite empowering! I do realize that just like all of life, I’ll keep evolving and changing. But it is refreshing to get a glimpse, for the first time, of myself as an artist.
I was watching an episode of “Inside the Actor’s Studio”, and Goldie Hawn was the guest. For those who don’t know, it is a show where an actor (or occasional singer) is interviewed about their life and how they approach acting (or singing). At the end of this show, Goldie Hawn was answering questions from the students, she said some words about creativity that I thought were very beautiful and truthful. They rang true for me as things that I’ve felt and continue to feel, so I wrote them down, and must include them in my blog. Please keep in mind that this quote was from a spoken answer – so it is a little strange grammatically. i hope it translates well enough for you to get what she’s saying.
“In terms of my work, I like to create things from all that I’ve seen and witnessed. So that becomes more frustrating when you don’t have an outlet. You can sit and write at home. You can do all this stuff, and you think, ‘what am I doing’? I’m writing for nothing. Because nobody’s interested in what I’m saying. Nobody’s interested in what I’m thinking. And it can be very, very difficult. It will always be difficult. It will be difficult when you’re successful. It will be difficult when you’re not successful. Because creating is a very solitary act. And it’s very lonely. And you think nobody’s gonna hear you – until someone does. And then they do. And then you worry the next time.
What keeps you alive is creativity. That’s the life force. So that can’t leave you. You mustn’t ever allow that to leave you. You’ll be up and down. But I’ll just say this much: Take your ego and put it over here (gestures to the side), and just witness. Don’t be it. Don’t be a failure. Don’t be not perfect. Just witness your behavior. Witness your feelings. But these will change as everything does.”
– Goldie Hawn
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