In response to lots of emails, comments and messages, here is an update:
I am definitely getting better! Slowly but surely! I have never been sick for so long in my life (this Saturday will be exactly one month). I’ve noticed a BIG improvement in my energy in the past 2 days, so I’m finally feeling like there may be light at the end of the tunnel. I was told it will take a while to feel 100% again. My speaking voice is almost back to normal – it is still raspy. I still can’t sing, but it seems like (I’m hoping!) I might be able to sing starting sometime next week (if my recovery continues as it has) – at least vocalize. My head is still cloudy, but is also getting better. I can’t thank you all enough for your messages, emails, thoughts, prayers and love. I’m sure all of it has helped in my healing.
I’m feeling like this illness (as awful as it has been) is a way of clearing out all the debris and making a clean start! I’ve had a lot of time to do nothing but think and reflect, and again I realize how fragile life is. So much is taken for granted. Losing my singing voice was a very unnerving situation. Trying to sing a note, and having my vocal chords do (or not do) their own thing is very scary. It has made me realize how difficult singing is, and how all my hard work all these years has led me to a certain degree of mastery. That’s a big deal for me – seeing how confidence is not one of my strong points. I’ve gotten myself to a point where I can choose how to sing something. My voice is at the point where I have options, choices – I don’t have to sing something one way because that’s all my voice can do. I didn’t realize what an amazing thing that is, until it was taken away. And my voice arrived there from YEARS of vocalizing and hard work and thought.
It is interesting that I got sick two days before I was scheduled to record vocals for the final song, and finish vocals for one other. If I hadn’t gotten sick, production on my CD would be finished by now. Being forced to do nothing, I’ve had a chance to think about things – including the 2 songs (one of which may be the title track – I’m still not sure). I think my approach to them will be a bit different now that I’ve had some distance. It is a good thing. I never would have seen this new way to create these songs had I not been forced to stop working and reflect. I know I’ve said it in other blogs, but at the risk of repeating myself, I can really see how life is a process, a journey. Not about results. And life is tough, and fragile, and painful, but it is also wonderful.
Reminds me of a quote (I must be starting to feel better!) by Helen Keller:
“Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it.”
– Helen Keller
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