First, let me say a HUGE thanks to everyone reading my blog, and listening to my music! THANK YOU!! And thanks to all who’ve sent me emails, messages, and comments (here and on MySpace) – it makes a huge difference to know I’m not putting my creative juices out into a vacuum.
I can see that I’m evolving. My tastes are changing (or maybe the haze around them is disappearing and I’m seeing myself clearer?). All that I’ve been doing creatively the past several years – songwriting, recording and releasing “Infinite Man”, acting in plays and films, improv, directing and acting my short film, “Lonely Boy” – has lead me to a place where I am in touch with some inner voice, which I can’t really hear, but can feel. I am allowing myself to express MY self. It comes with a sense of security that I have never ever had. Not certainty (I’m not certain of anything) – but security. If I rely on myself, and “listen” to that “voice”, there is a thread to follow, a direction to go. And if I fail, I pick myself up and move on, looking ahead at the next thing in front of me. I could not have found this place even a year ago (even if I was standing in it)! In the past, I thought failure equalled death. I thought if I failed, I’d never be able to move on to something else – my career would all be over. Having done so much work recently, and putting it out in the public, has shown me I can survive. Not everyone will like, or does like, everything I do, and that is just the way life is. And I’m learning that the true key to being fulfilled in what I do, is to fully and honestly express that inner “voice”. I hate using the term “inner voice”, but I don’t know what to call it. Or exactly what it is. I guess it is expressing my take on life and the world. Getting it out there so someone else can hear it and say “I understand”. Although it doesn’t always feel like it comes from me. It feels bigger than me. Like it is floating in the air, and I am tapping into it and jotting it down somehow in a melody, a lyric, a vocal or an emotion in an acting scene. The creative process is pretty amazing. It is probably good I don’t understand exactly what goes on. And even better that I don’t need to know anything to create. I just need to listen.
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I have uploaded two new songs onto the web! For various reasons, they are only available to hear (full versions) and to download, on one site: www.Broadjam.com You can find a direct link on my website by clicking the “Click Here For More Information” on my home page. Once you are on the page talking about the songs, you will find links on my site in which you can hear samples, as well as read the lyrics!
The two songs are Lonely Motel which has a country vibe, and As We Rise which is a song about the human and mother nature!
Have a listen and let me know what you think!
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I think I’m getting a deeper understanding that there is no “right way” to be or to do things. There is however, a way to express oneself authentically, which isn’t “right”, but definitely makes one freer and makes life fuller.
I have been very busy lately. One of the many things I’ve been doing is rehearsing for an upcoming improv show. I’ve noticed that my most successful Improv scenes are ones in which I am not “doing” anything – just reacting to the other actor(s) and honoring what I’m feeling. And when my mind is “out of the way”, things just come out of my mouth unexpectedly, and people seem to enjoy it. I am often not “in” on the jokes I’m saying – I’m just deep in the moment. I guess there is truth somewhere in what’s being improvised, and that’s what people are reacting to. At first I thought people were laughing at me, not with me (since I wasn’t laughing). But now I’m realizing that they are laughing at themselves – or at some truth they can relate to.
In addition to the improv show, I am also recording new songs. I chose about twenty songs from all that I’ve written, and got them ready to record – some brand new and some old. Some of the old ones took on another life once I worked on them. I found myself allowing the songs to dictate what direction they would go. And all of them changed in some way – all unexpected changes. A couple even changed titles and “messages”. In one song in particular, I changed everything but 3 lines – it is practically a new song!
This way of creating is new for me. I spent most of my early years afraid that I would do something wrong, or not good enough, or wouldn’t be able to do something – so I’d play it safe and try to have it “all together” before I’d start something. Now I’m learning that it is best not to have it all figured out ahead of time. That leaves room for the magic to come in and create something new and fresh. Something that didn’t exist before. Something bigger than me. I find this process fascinating – letting the creative project in front of me take on its own life. And I feel like I am on a roll with creativity. It probably won’t last (nothing does), so I’ll get as much done now as I can. I’m learning to “go with the flow” as they say.
For those of you in the Los Angeles area, here’s a shameless plug for the Improv show: You can see 2 photos of me in costume on this website, in the Calendar section (it is me with the afro – scary)! The show is the “4 Hot Brunettes” in “Or Your Money Back”! It will be performed at BANG COMEDY THEATER, 457 N. Fairfax Ave., Los Angeles, CA 90036, phone: 323.653.6886. Performances every Saturday Night in August at 9:30pm. Tickets are $10. If you don’t enjoy the show, you can get your money back!!
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