As I get older, life keeps unfolding differently than I thought it would. I don’t know if it is just me, but life seems to get more complicated and difficult. I thought it would get easier, but I guess when you are young and carefree ignorance IS bliss! And so, I struggle on. Thank God I have my music and acting as an outlet. That must be why art is such an amazing thing. It is the place people express that unexpressed inner world. That deep place where they are grappling with, or appreciating life. Those feelings get expressed or released in their art. And the audience gets to feel those feelings as well – while experiencing the art. All I know is that there are feelings inside of me that need to come out. I don’t even think there are words for them – but I can totally feel them. I know they are there. And the only way they get expressed is through writing a song, singing or acting.
Which leads me to another topic I’ve been thinking about regarding this website. I have done extensive work as an actor (and continue to work as an actor). When this website was created, I thought that I would keep it focused about my music – since my music was reaching a much larger (global) audience than my acting work. I’ve been debating about adding a section to this site which deals with my acting career (credits, news, etc.). For now, acting pops up occasionally – in a blog or two (references to my Improv show and my short film “Lonely Boy”). However, a huge part of who I am is an actor, and my website has become more personal than I originally thought it would. My years of study and work as an actor have certainly shaped me, and influenced the way I think and look at the world. Sometimes I have trouble keeping that part of my life off the site and still feeling like this site represents me as a person. So much of who I am (in addition to a singer/songwriter) is an actor.
Given all that, I still don’t know if I should fully mix the two here. There is something very nice about having a site devoted only to my musical journey. Perhaps I should just continue to mention acting in my blogging? As you can see, I’m torn! If you have any thoughts or opinions please let me know. They would be greatly appreciated.
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I am back to writing songs!! It will be my major focus in the next few weeks. I am working on new songs for a second CD, and although I do have many songs already written waiting in the wings, I am feeling the urge to write new ones. Hopefully, I will start recording in July. It looks like I will be working with a new producer, and we will be creating a bit of a new sound (musically) for the CD. Luckily, so much has been happening around me that I have much to draw on for writing songs. I’ve been asked many times if my songs are autobiographical. That is a tough question. Some are definitely not, and a few totally are. Most of them are in between somewhere. Some of the songs were written about something I witnessed, another person I know or observed, or even a fantasy. I’ve also taken a passing feeling I’ve felt and explored it fully in a song. I don’t really know how I choose what I write. I guess it chooses me. There is an idea or feeling that clicks inside, and I know there is a song in me I know I can write. I actually don’t like analyzing the process or even thinking about it. I feel like too much thought will screw me up. Song-writing for me, is mostly an emotional, abstract process that flows (once I am out of the way). I don’t really want to say more about it or understand it more than that. I want to keep the mystery in it for me. If you have any questions though, feel free to ask…
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Here is a quote – I don’t know who said it. It is something I heard years ago in a seminar and it has always stuck with me. And given what I’m seeing about my life right now (as expressed in my previous blog), it is most accurate…
“What you resist, persists.”
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Right now, for various reasons, I am faced with letting go of all of my preconceived thoughts about my life and its’ journey. After being on vacation in Japan for a week – which was an amazing experience – and returning home with some sort of flu, something inside of me changed. When I am sick with a fever, my mind goes crazy with negative thoughts and feelings. But in the middle of all the depressing thoughts, I had several epiphanies! I’m not sure why or even what. I do know that I have a keener sense of myself as a person – my strengths and weaknesses. I am realizing that life has been a struggle for me to the extent that I have been trying to behave in a way that is not who I am. It is not how I am “programmed”. And I have been fighting who I am for years. Thinking I need to be different than I am in order to be creative and be successful. I can see now that I will never be the way I think I need to be (it is not in my nature) and there is a sense of peace in knowing this.
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